it's been awhile...

wow, have i really been away from my blog for almost a year? consistancy is NOT my strong suit.

i haven't been away because i haven’t been eating. on the contrary, i’ve been eating…a lot! quantity-wise, calorie-wise & fat-wise. my waistline is showing the signs and it’s time to save the really yummy food for special occasions & just eat ‘clean’ again.

the problem there-in is $$$. the boyfriend moved out & away went help with all the bills. i’m back to footing expenses on my own & paying off a mound of debt so the pantry is a little bare these days.

i KNOW you can eat healthful food on a budget but isn’t it so much easier to grab a couple 99 cent burritos at taco bell or a few items of the mc donald’s $1 menu?

yeah, it is but i have to buy good food & get crackin in the kitchen! chicken or mild fish baked with tomatoes, lemon juice, spinach, capers & crushed green olives. chicken, veggie & lentil soup, huge salads with loads of fresh veggies topped with tuna.

i can do it. right?

Good vs. bad

The types of food I'll eat on good days

Breakfast
1/2 cup 0% greek yogurt
1/8 cup oats
1/2 oz raw walnuts
1/4 oz chia seeds
10g raisins
2-3 cups black coffee

Snack
1 cup fresh fruit

Lunch
1/2 head romain lettuce & 1cup spinach
1 or 2 small tomatoes
1/4 to 1/2 avocado
assorted fresh veggies such as carrots, mushrooms
celery, zucchini, peppers, cucumber
1/2 tbsp olive oil with 1 tbsp vinegar
3-4 oz fish or chicken
Water

Snack
3 squares of dark chocolate

Dinner
4 oz protein
2 cups veggies
1/2 cup brown rice with Bragg Aminos
Water

Snack
Sprouted grain toast with 1 TBSP PB

By the end of the day I will have had 8-12 glasses of
water

Good days happen 20-25 days of the month


The types of food I'll eat on a bad day

Breakfast
Bagel with cream cheese
Maybe a donut too

Snack
None because I'm feeling guilty from breakfast
and trying to make up for it

Lunch
By now I'm over the guilt and just crave more junk
so I splurge on something like:
Carl's Jr. Bacon Grilled Cheese Burger
Criss-cut fries
Diet Soda

Snack
An ice cream drumstick from the vending machine

Dinner
Pizza with the boyfriend
3 or 4 beers with a vodka shot (or 2)

Snack
Set off on a guilt/booze-fueled binge I'll snack until
bed on things like:
1 or 2 slices of sprouted wheat toast with butter
An apple with unlimited PB
1/2 a bag of Crunchmaster gluten free crackers
until I'm too full or too mad at myself to eat anymore

By the end of the day I will still have managed
to have my 8 glasses of water

Bad days can go from 1 or 2 days to much longer

downward spiral...i can only go up from here

eating clean was going great for awhile and then i just started a terrible downward spiral into eating poorly. when making my own meals, i did great but often i’d find excuses to eat out. when i say “eat out” i’m not talking healthy choices either…i’m talking: taco bell, carl’s jr., jack in the box, deli food; sandwiches & ice cream from the vending machines at work, snacks from the gas station on the corner, etc…

needless to say i’ve hit 160+ and am extremely displeased with myself. now i’m trying to gain control over my bad habits, yet again.

i look at it this way: at least i’m trying. i may fall off the wagon, i may gain weight, i may be heavier than i’ve ever been but i’m aware of it and i know what i have to do. i have several good influences in my life and i plan to utilize their support. i also rejoined sparkpeople, where i had great success in the past.

today i feel good, i feel positive and i just have to remember to always be present. i can’t just eat mindlessly, i can’t tell myself that one fast food meal won’t ruin me (because 1 meal leads to another and another and another…), i need to be aware of everything i eat and make the right choices. i cannot yo-yo anymore because with each yo-yo cycle i gain more. i can’t take the chance that by falling off again, i’ll gain another 5 pounds, then another, etc…i need to control it now and maintain!

missing out...

i’m going to Vegas tomorrow and i just found out Vegas Uncorked is this weekend AND we’re staying at a hotel that is hosting some of the chef events. the bad news is this: we’re on a VERY LOW budget vacation. we got a KILLER deal Encore BUT we have very little $ to actually spend.

i am so bummed because 50 top chefs will be there doing demos, etc…but we can’t buy tickets. my b.f. and i love great food so this weekend is going to be pure torture…but at least i’ll be away from work and hey, lounging by the pool is free!

case of the hump day blah's

i’m in a funk today. i think it’s partly because i had too much sugar yesterday. i’ve been almost 100% sugar free for quite awhile but yesterday i went on a sugar binger…which carried over in the morning when my friend brought rice krispie treats in to work. they seem so light, airy and innocent but they aren’t!

anyway i’m feeling down…haven’t been losing weight, i have no money yet we’re going to vegas in 6 days and i have to get my mom a b-day gift as well as a mother’s day gift, we’re taking a girl at work out for a b-day lunch where i know that i won’t choose a healthy option and i have no idea where “aunt flow” is. gah, i’m doing NOTHING to boost myself up or think positive here am i? plus my blog has no food relevance today, does it?!?!?

mmm…food. you know what? i’m going to embrace eating “junk” today. i’m going to have something sinful and delicious and i’m not going to feel guilty about it, not one single bit! not only that, i’m going to spend the rest of the day finding positivity in everything and smiling a lot. it makes a world of difference to think positive!!!

HFCS

recently, a past co-worker of mine sent me a video to watch about the evils of high fructose corn syrup. i have yet to watch it but i’m guessing that i’ll agree with a lot of what the video has to say.

last year when i first saw one of those pro-HFCS commercials, i had to laugh. they talk about how HFCS isn’t bad for you when consumed in moderation. if you do your shopping at a standard supermarket, just you TRY to consume hfcs in moderation. it’s in just about everything!!! i mean seriously, when you make mayonnaise at home, do you add sweetener? no! when you make soup at home, do you add sugar? no!

these companies are adding HFCS to just about anything they can. why? well, 2 reasons come to mind: it’s cheap to manufacture and it’s addictive. add something addictive to your product and people will keep coming back for more. pretty smart. i wonder if that’s taco bell’s secret…i could eat that stuff EVERYDAY!! but i digress…

so what’s one to do?

i say, take the extra time to make your meals from scratch. i know it sounds like a hassle but take it from me, it’s do-able!

i was a 100 calorie pack, diet frozen meal, pre-packaged low calorie/low fat food junkie for years. then my boyfriend got a job at whole foods market. all those things i’d learned as a child, being raised by parents who were very focused on natural foods, came flooding back. the foods i was eating were packed with additives and HFCS. i started thinking more about what i was eating and came up with a few things to make eating “clean” easier:

 i buy frozen fish that can be quickly defrosted for dinner.
 i buy dry beans (pinto, navy, garbanzo, black, etc..) that we can then cook & freeze or use for chili, soup, refried beans, etc...
 i buy whole chickens; once we’ve eaten it or used it for make-ahead meals, we cook down the bones for broth.
 we don’t get to the farmers market much but i always try to have fresh veggies on hand. two mainstays are baby spinach and vine tomatoes, i can add them to just about anything! typically we also have carrots, celery and onions.
 i make sure to have natural PB or walnuts and raisins around for a healthy, snack when my tummy feels rumbly.

i’m not very good at following recipes or buying specific ingredients to make a recipe (i always forget a few ingredients!) but i find that i can usually whip up a pretty good meal from what we have on hand. usually it doesn’t take much longer than it would to heat up a frozen meal and i find myself more satisfied.

i think that eating foods with HFCS often left me feeling hungry so quickly because once the sugar burned off, the feeling of being satiated went away. not to mention that once i have food with sugar or HFCS, it sets me off on a snacking binge.

all that being said about eating clean and healthy and avoiding HFCS…i just had a big cheese burger and fries. one of my direct reports had no car and no lunch partner today so i went out with her. i guess occasional junk food won’t kill me. plus, it just reinforced how much i like eating healthy…i feel like a greasy blob right now.

Acceptance and enjoyment

for the last month or so, i’ve been focusing on eating cleaner and more balanced to lose weight. i found that eating more protein, nuts and olive oil helps me stay full longer but despite the lower calorie intake, i’m still not losing. i guess i need to increase my activity level more than i need to lower my calories.

the interesting thing is that for the first time in many, many years, i find that the lack of weight loss doesn’t have me depressed. i think that’s because i feel so good about the foods i’m eating. i haven’t had fast food in at least a month and the few times i did go out to eat, i made choices based what i was in the mood and used portion control rather than just getting the “lightest” thing on the menu and feeling cheated out of something i really wanted

also, i have begun to enjoy creating meals again and i enjoy eating them too! in the past, when i “dieted” i ate a lot of stuff that was low in fat and calories but crammed with fillers and totally over-processed. most of the time these foods and snacks left me feeling empty and wanting to eat more. i still have my snack-y moments now but adding nuts, olive oil and even a little butter now and then has really helped. it’s so great to eat a balanced meal rather than an accumulation of foods that are low in fat and calories and TASTE.

in the past dinner would have been a lean cuisine or a salad with the lowest calorie, zero fat dressing i could find.

dinner now is: a beef or buffalo patty with ½ serving of shredded cheese on a bed of baby spinach and veggies that have been drizzled with 1 tsp of olive oil. or fish baked with a little olive oil, tomatoes, artichoke hearts, capers and olives served on top of sautéed spinach.

i’m not eating a lot of butter, nuts, full fat cheese or oil but i’m incorporating enough to eliminate that empty feeling, that urge to eat more because my meal didn’t satisfy me. it feels good…now i just have to focus on exercise